Maybe this is why we speak of everything in the past. It makes it easier for us to bear what we have lost.
We speak about it in the past tense, though we know that we will never leave the past behind -- we have the sharp nervousness of Toria's hands to attest to that, the cold brightness in Reed's golden eyes. We have Jordan's silent fury in the way he runs, and oh, Gods, there is so much to it that only we can read ...
We do not forgive, none of us, and there are a thousand crimes and far too many words for us to ever really be able to bear.
This is why Reed took up the gun, I like to think.
And it was there in the beginning; we was never that stupid. There were many things that applied to us, but stupidity was never one of them -- no, not even for Karyn or for Stuart. Because we could never have been stupid, not after what we lived through.
These are the things we think of, I think, when we close our eyes at night, though I have never asked any of the others ... We were young, then, way back before any of this happened. Gods, we were young.
And all this was long before I ever died.